The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A Little Past Late to the Now

Things have drastically changed in the past year and a half. I continued to do hair school and finished in March of 2011. I am now a licensed Cosmetologist working at a Spa in Cottonwood Heights. I feel like that I have become a different person being the hairstylist that I am. Sometimes, I don't think I am the person that I want to be.

I stopped going to church early in 2011 and quickly thought that the Church wasn't the right place for me to be with my sexuality. I had the mindset that I couldn't sit in a place where all they talked about was marriage between a man and a woman. I felt differently, considering that I considered myself to be Gay. I was going to be marrying a man, raising a family and living happily ever after.

There have been events. Many, in fact that have made me the person I am today and why I am choosing what may be the biggest decision in my life.

I was involved with two girls who were manipulative liars and dragged me down to the point of (kind of) no return. Drama, and not good for me or for the people around me (and them.) I decided to get out of that toxic relationship and it turned out for the better. My relationships with my family blossomed and I felt a huge relief off of my shoulders. Then I decided that it would be fun to drink. Did it twice. Now I am done, completely. I was sick for many, many days after each hangover. What is the point of that? I even got a tattoo which I love. :D

Who was I becoming?

The past two weeks, I have been extremely sick where I have lost 10 LBS and took a lot of time off of work. Early in my sickness, my dad gave me a blessing. Something that I needed more than anything. Tears welled up in my eyes as I was listening to the blessing and I a little spark of warmth and peace filled me up. It was something I hadn't felt in such a long time. The Spirit had felt that It was the right time to tell me, Its time to change. I looked at my mom and said that It was time to make some major changes in my life. She agreed.

The next day, CTR went back onto my finger and my knees went to the ground. I had a lot of time to think about while being sick. (sidenote: still sick; recovering from it.) There was something missing inside of me. I couldn't really tackle what it was until I saw my piano that my grandma had bought for me sitting there untouched. I needed to start playing the piano again.

My Decision:
Going back to school for Piano Performance and going back to church. All needs to happen.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Peaceful Feeling

"You live in a glorious time—the last dispensation. This is the time when before long the gospel will be preached in every nation on the face of the earth. This is the winding-up scene, when all things will come together in preparation for the Second Coming.

What a time to receive a call from the prophet of the Lord to serve a full-time mission, to bring souls to Christ! No wonder the Lord says, “The thing which will be of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance unto this people, that you may bring souls unto me, that you may rest with them in the kingdom of my father” (D&C 15:6).

How important it is for you to be spiritually prepared, to receive the Spirit of the Lord so that you can render missionary service. I am sure every missionary hopes to have experiences like the sons of Mosiah (see Alma 23:5), or like Nephi and Lehi, who helped in the conversion of thousands (see Hel. 5:19). Stories of missionaries from the scriptures stir within us all a great desire to be better missionaries, to serve more worthily, to teach with power and authority—to truly serve as an instrument in God’s hands to bring about the salvation of many souls.

However, some do not realize that in order to go forward and serve in that manner, they must truly be prepared. They must be worthy in order to be part of a “missionary team,” with their companion, to serve in a district, in a zone, in a mission. They cannot go out to battle unprepared (see D&C 27:15–18).

In such a battle, we must take on the whole armor, not just part of it (see Eph. 6:11–18 and D&C 27:15–18). Can you see, my young friends, how, if someone were to go out to the battle unprepared, he would surely falter? He would subject himself to serious consequences and might also adversely affect the “team” with which he serves. He would not be able to fulfill the divine destiny the Lord has given to missionaries, to take the gospel to all the nations of the earth." by Elder Gene R. Cook of the Seventy "The Message:
Worthy to Serve"

Today, my friend had his homecoming talk and it was absolutely amazing. The spirit was so strong and during his talk I had numerous amounts of prayers answered. Lately, I've been wondering when I should go on a mission and if I should finish school. Today, that prayer was answered. I had fasted and prayed numerous times about going on a mission and today I had it answered through my friend.

He stood up and began speaking. Talking about his mission got me thinking about mine(again) and he said something that sparked this thought, When should I go?Instantly I got this impression that I needed to go and I needed to go now. It was strong and it hit me so hard. I knew that I needed to begin my papers, regardless of school or the things ahead.

I'm excited to start this journey and I have faith in Savior Jesus Christ that I can do what the Lord wants of me. I'm grateful for this opportunity.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

In The Right Place

Are you in the right place?

I just got back from a camping trip up to the Sand Dunes with the ward. It was exhausting, but very rewarding. I got to see my friend who came back Thursday from his mission and all he could really talk about were the things he missed such as movies, music and also his Mission.

At points during the camp out, my friend would on occasion say stuff that he would say to like an investigator. He would tell us stories in The Book Of Mormon and would go off about some his favorite books which all consisted of LDS non-fiction and how much he loved them. It was so awesome to hear him talk about these things and I began to think....more. I want to go on a mission. I really do. I think that is exactly what I want to do. As I sit here now I have this feeling of 'i'm not doing enough.' I don't know exactly how to explain it, but its a feeling of anticipation and anxiety.. Anticipation of what? I don't know.

Friday, May 14, 2010


Choose The Right

This morning when I woke up the first thing I did was I looked at my phone. I went to my music and sat there listening to one of my favorite songs by Kate Voegele. I laid there thinking about how my life was turning out and then I looked at the ring on my ring finger on my right hand. There in plain and clear writing were the three letters, CTR. I looked at it for awhile just thinking about what it meant to me.

My friend came home from his mission yesterday and I was so excited. He had been serving the Lord for 2 years and that was something that everyone knows that I had been struggling with. But after a lot of thinking, I have decided that a mission is something that I want to do and It has become a desire. Although there is a desire now to go, there are things I have to work on before I can go through with the papers and such.

I started hair school in March and it is something that I love to do. I now observe everyone's hair and I go through my mind what I could do with others hair. Its something that I have grown to love. I do, however, wish I had figured out that the mission was a desire before I started school. It is, how it happened and I will continue with school then once I graduate I will start my papers, or when i'm ready I'll go.

What does the acronym CTR mean to me? CTR means to me what I stand for, not just Choose The Right. Although, it does help me choose the right it helps me understand who I am in this life and why I'm here and where I'm going. And right now it tells me that I'm going to prepare to go on a mission because it is the right thing to do. The Lord wants me to go, and I know that now.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Just me.

Its been awhile since i've written last. Not much has happened, but me putting my blog on private, not its back to public because hardly anyone was giving me email addresses so that they could read it. I want people to be inspired and motivated by what I write. If no one reads it, what is the point of writing it, if all I want is to be able to urge and inspire. I've truly been inspired to write this blog among other things which I will continue to blog about. Thanks.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Just One of Those Things

Its just one of those things...

One of the things that I do not like is that I have such a very uninteresting life. All I do is go to school and then come home and do nothing.. I guess its just one of those things that happens. I try to make my life interesting, but I just don't know what I can do to make it more interesting other than school. Well, thats a lie, I do know some ways I can make my life more interesting.

#1- Institute
I am thinking that I should start going to Institute. It would give me something to do at night (while trying to find a job).

#2- More Piano Students
Currently I teach 3 kids who are in my ward. I love teaching piano and its something that I feel that I'm good at. I would like to get more students and improve my skill and help others in the process.

#3- Hang out with friends
I try SO hard to hang out with friends, but for some reason it never happens. (Maybe i'm not really trying that hard.) You see, I don't really have that many friends. Or maybe I do, but I never hang out with any of them. A lot of my friends too, aren't LDS or they are, but are very inactive. I guess I am putting myself into a self-pity party, but I would love to have a group of friends with the same standards that would would uplift and strengthen me.

#4- Try harder to find a job
I do need a job desperately, and I'm trying to find one. I should just try harder. Hopefully I can find one soon!

I guess its just one of those things that happens. I have to take the plunge and make my life more interesting besides just sitting on my rear end.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Peace, Love and Happiness

"Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" Doctrine and Covenants 6:23

In my life right now this scripture is so important and so impeccable that I wanted to share it. I have felt peace these last couple of days/weeks as I have begun to see a change in the way I have done things and have seen things. I've experienced more peace than I have in the last couple of years trying to figure out what I want and what I need with my life.

This peace that I have felt has come from God, my Heavenly Father. It is a witness for me that God does truly exist and that He loves me and that His Gospel is true. What better witness than from God can I get that the church is true? I can't think of anything better. I know that the peace I have felt is a witness from God and my answer that the church is true. I will from here on out to be better and to follow His commandments and Come Unto Christ. This Happiness that I feel is such a good feeling and I wish that everyone could feel it!