Our testimonies can be strengthened and fortified and our lives given greater purpose every time we read and reread our patriarchal blessings. By their very nature, all blessings are qualified and conditional, regardless of whether the blessing specifically spells out the qualification or not. Each blessing is absolutely qualified and given upon the condition of the faithfulness of the recipient of the blessing." President James E. Faust One of my all time favorite things to read is my Patriarchal Blessing. In fact, I read it today while on my break at school. Having not read it in quite a while it felt so good to be able to read it and see what my Heavenly Father has in store for me, either in this life or the next. Its such a blessing to read it and be able to feel of that sweet spirit. I actually felt it today. Such a great feeling.
My patriarchal blessing has strengthened my testimony every time I read it and it will continue to do so. Today while I read it, I had this thought come into my mind. In my blessing it mentions temple marriage. That is what struck a thought. A thought that I knew would bother me for a long time. I asked my self this question, 'Will I ever get married in the temple in this life?' I've thought about it before, but not as much as I have today.
A temple marriage has always been something i've wanted. I have wanted that eternal companion and a loving family to be with for all eternity. I want that love that I have seen between numerous couples throughout my life. Of course there is this one thing that makes it impossible. My sexuality makes it hard not only be able to serve a mission, but also to get married in the temple. I know that there are gay men who have gotten married to a woman and in the temple. I do not know how this would work. Although I want it to work, because I want to be able to have those blessings here on the earth. Right now, all I know is that I have to talk to my Bishop. I am going to turn my life around and be the best that I can be. I do love the church and my choice is to stay in the church no matter what it takes to stay in.
Not getting my patriarchal blessing is one of the few regrets I have with the church and my past. Though I am currently in "good standing" with the church at the moment, I would not pass a Bishop's interview to get one. I was assured by the last Bishop that I went to that I would be excommunicated (wow - way to not even disfellowship first or look for other disciplinary action first!) if I went back to that ward or interviewed with another Bishop to get my PB. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I really want one but there are things that I will not change my stance on enough to get it. I wish I would have done it when I was younger and now that its out of my grasp (if I want to stay true to the truths that I have found for myself) I am saddened since I wont have that personal scripture. I have an entry on Patriarchal blessings and the Bishops interview that I had from a few weeks ago. I guess that not having that (or other things within the church) is something that I will have to reconcile within myself. Im glad that you got yours. Good luck with your struggle.
ReplyDeleteKonrad
@Konrad
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you were not able to get your patriarchal blessing. It is such a neat blessing and is something I love having and reading every day.
You are a son of God and He loves you. No Matter what way you choose and your stances on church doctrine, He will always love you. Good Luck on your struggle through Life.