CTR

Choose The Right

This morning when I woke up the first thing I did was I looked at my phone. I went to my music and sat there listening to one of my favorite songs by Kate Voegele. I laid there thinking about how my life was turning out and then I looked at the ring on my ring finger on my right hand. There in plain and clear writing were the three letters, CTR. I looked at it for awhile just thinking about what it meant to me.

My friend came home from his mission yesterday and I was so excited. He had been serving the Lord for 2 years and that was something that everyone knows that I had been struggling with. But after a lot of thinking, I have decided that a mission is something that I want to do and It has become a desire. Although there is a desire now to go, there are things I have to work on before I can go through with the papers and such.

I started hair school in March and it is something that I love to do. I now observe everyone's hair and I go through my mind what I could do with others hair. Its something that I have grown to love. I do, however, wish I had figured out that the mission was a desire before I started school. It is, how it happened and I will continue with school then once I graduate I will start my papers, or when i'm ready I'll go.

What does the acronym CTR mean to me? CTR means to me what I stand for, not just Choose The Right. Although, it does help me choose the right it helps me understand who I am in this life and why I'm here and where I'm going. And right now it tells me that I'm going to prepare to go on a mission because it is the right thing to do. The Lord wants me to go, and I know that now.

Priesthood Session

Patience

This past week I saw one of the best plays from a local acting group that I have ever seen come from them. They did the high school version of Les Miserables. One of my best friends was in it and her little sister. It was fabulous. I wanted to go again so bad. I had an offer from my friends mother that if friends of hers didn't make it, I could take one of the tickets. I was hoping that I would be able to see it again, even if it meant leaving the Priesthood session early, Saturday night.

When Saturday came, I was waiting for the call from my friends mom saying that I could have one of the tickets. The call never came, but I didn't care. I had an impression that I needed to stay at the Priesthood session the whole time. Me, my two brothers and my dad went to the session together and while I fell asleep for pretty much the first half, after the congregational hymn, I was wide awake. As President Uchtdorf began his talk on Patience, I knew right then that Patience is what I was missing from my everyday life.

The biggest thing about patience that I got from Presidents Uchtdorf's talk was that I have got to let my Heavenly Father do things in His own time. Not mine. I have been impatient wanting to know now what I should do. I don't have enough patience to let Him work in His way and His own time. I want answers now, but I don't have the patience for those answers so I don't wait for them, I just continue my life and get farther and farther into a deep pit that I don't want to be in.

I need to have patience for those answers and for the grace of my Heavenly Father. He will help me, but I have got to let Him help me in His time and in His way. I have been suckered into societies way, telling myself that I have got to let ME happy first and not let anyone tell me what I should do or what I have to do. With Patience, prayer, diligent scripture study, doing my home teaching (which I have to figure out who my families are and who my companion is), diligent Priesthood work and service, may the Lord work His miracles. I am willing to let Him and have Him guide my life.

What To Do?

I wish this life figuring out wasn't so damn hard.

I am having conflicts. It seems as if my whole life is just one huge conflict. This is the same conflict I have dealt with for a long time. Everyone deals with this conflict as well, not just me.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

I know, I know. I'm only 18, but I want to start doing something with my life now! I feel like as I write this post that I could be doing something else. I know that also that writing helps me vent, but I still feel like something is wrong. I want to be in the arts. I want to do hair, I love music and I want to do something with that. I also have these ideas to become an actor and be in the movies or be a model. So many things that I find exciting. Although I have huge dreams I don't have the motivation to start anything and I do not know what to do! HELP!!

Maybe I should do all of them! That could work, right? I could start out by going to hair school, then after hair school find an agent while working at a salon or something. Then during movies and stuff I could write music. See, that isn't so hard? Please.. I could never! Although, I could try! I just want to be able to do something with my life.

What do you think? Any suggestions?