The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Saturday Night Movie #3

Tonight what I have in store for us all is a treat. A musical, Newsiesis the true story of a courageos group of newsboys who become unlikely heroes when they team up to fight a newspaper tycoon. These boys, determined to make their dreams come true, find the courage to challenge the people who hold power, the unscrupulous newspaper owner. With Christian Bale, who plays the rebellious newsboy, Jack this movie is a must see!

Here is a list of the music:

'Carrying The Banner'
'High Times, Hard Times'
'King Of New York'
'My Lovey Dove Baby'
'Once And For All'
'Santa Fe'
'Seize The Day'
'The World Will Know'


Whats wrong with me?

I have never been comfortable with myself. Never.

Wait, before the summer of 1999 I did feel at least a little comfortable with myself. The years before my baptism I was actually skinny. Since then I have gained weight and lost the comfortability I had with myself. It all went away because I became a chubby, fat boy. I hated it and always have hated it.

I wish that I could lose this weight. I'm not happy with the way I look. I would work out, but I hate doing home work outs and I do not have money for a gym membership. I can never run because I don't have the motivation and I can never go far without getting tired and getting side aches. I actually do like working out, but I can never get into the routine of doing it daily because I always stop after two weeks or so of some good workouts. I don't know how to keep going.

I don't know what it is, but I can never feel comfortable with myself. A big part of it, is the gay community. I'm not going to lie. A lot of gay men that I cross paths with are always so well kept and very skinny. They work out, they dress well and they are very intimidating to me. I don't understand it, but that is how it works. I am very intimidated by the way that gay men view other gay men. A gay man wants in another man that strong physique, the toned body and the hairless man. This, to me, is what a gay man wants. I am none of these things, therefore, I am not good enough.

I've always wanted to look good and to be completely fit. I have always been jealous of other guys who I know, who are 'skinny' and generally look good. I've tried to lose weight so that I can look like guys you see in tv and movies. I'm not comfortable wtih myself. I don't like it. I'm determined though, to change. I am.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Saturday Night Movie #2

As I pondered what movie to choose tonight, I had to choose another one of my all time favorite movies. 'The Outsiders'In 7th grade when I heard about this book/movie I didn't think I would like it. I never really thought books you read in school were good or cool. I told my english teacher that and she told me that for this book it wouldn't be the case. Was she right? Yes. I absolutely loved the book. I kept telling my teacher that I hated it, but the truth was, I was finished with the book before anyone else and I had already gone to the library and rented the movie. You could say that I was obsessed.

This movie was my guilty pleasure for a long time. I watched it over and over and over. I wanted the movie so bad for my birthday so I begged and pleaded for it. My siblings don't like this movie and have always thought I was crazy for liking it.

In this movie there are some familiar faces? Do you recognize them?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Road to my Dream, Part 3

Just Do It.

Something has changed within me.Something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap. It's time to try Defying gravity. I think I'll try Defying gravity.
And you can't pull me down. So if you care to find me look to the western sky (LA). As someone told me lately - Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly and if I'm flying solo At least I'm flying free. To those who'd ground me take a message back from me - Tell them how I am defying gravity! I'm flying high Defying gravity! And soon I'll match them in renown And nobody in all of Oz(Utah),no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down!

Unlike Elphaba, I am not being accused of being evil. Like Elphaba, I have to defy gravity and reach for the stars and chase my dreams. To me that is what this song is about. To me, Elphaba has to Defy Gravity not only to get away from the guards, but to reach for her dreams. Now I have NEVER seen Wicked, but it is my all time favorite musical and I want to see it so bad. On Broadway, in New York. I have the Grimmerie and have flipped through it so many times that I do know what happens. This is all beside the point I'm afraid.

In a Glee Episode, Rachel and Kurt have a Diva-Off. Both of these talented young singers compete to sing Defying Gravity. I loved this episode so much. It helped me realize that I too can defy gravity no matter what happens to me. No matter what my sexual orientation is, I can defy gravity. I can do whatever I want. It doesn't matter what people think I should do, I need to defy gravity. So does everyone else.

Over the last few days I have given something very serious a lot of thought. Should I, or should I not, go on a mission? You might think that this is off the topic, but its not. It is a deciding factor on what is going to happen in my life starting now. Along the lines of Defying Gravity, I can't let other people get in the way of what I want. I'm an adult and I need to start making my own decisions. I can't let the fear of disappointing the people I love the most ground me and make me unhappy. This goes for everyone out there. We have to make our own decisions and we can't let the fear of disappointing others be the deciding factor of any choice. You've gotta do it for yourself.

The Road to my Dream starts now with mydecision.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Road to my Dream, Part 2

Just Do It.

We all have dreams. We all want something out of life and we all have something we want to accomplish during our lives. I have seen many people reach for the stars and accomplish many things that even they, at the time, didn't think was possible. I bet even the biggest celebrities when they were young like me didn't think they would get to where they are today. Everyone wants something, we all have our dreams that need to be fulfilled.

My biggest dream is to become a singer/songwriter. Ever since I was little that was what I wanted to be. I would blast Britney Spears in my friends basement while we made up dance moves. I would write lyrics early on in my life with a girl who I had known since she was born. Still today I continue to write lyrics that hopefully someday would be a song that I write. Although, there are many things holding me back from chasing after this dream of becoming this person I want to be. Also, I have always wanted to have my own record label and then record music that I love and help others fulfill their dream of becoming an recording artist.

When I really wanted to start pursuing this I decided to check out schools around the country that would help me start my journey of owning a record label. Utah State, however, did not have this type of major and I was pretty disappointed. I checked BYU's Music program and what I found was that they had Music Business. I was so excited. I decided that BYU was the school for me. Little did I know that as time passed things would get harder and my hopes for anything happening would falter.

When I moved home after being up in Logan for a semester at USU, I couldn't find a job. (Still can't.) One by one everything I had wanted to do became distant as life became harder and more drama krept into my life. I looked up to someone as he follows his dreams. I saw that as a resource, but it soon became a deciding factor that I couldn't do what I wanted. I don't know why I saw it that way, but I did.

I started to look again online for other schools, rather than BYU, to go to school for Music Business. I found a school in the heart of LA; Musicians Institute for Contemporary Music. I looked around on the site and I fell in love with it. Not only is it in LA it also has some amazing programs. I was excited, but again felt flustered about when I could go and if I should. At the time I was planning on serving a two year mission, but as things came along and as I started to read other blogs about gay mormon men, it became apparent to me that maybe I couldn't go on one. A glimmer of hope came into my eyes. I wouldn't have to wait almost three or four years to start what I wanted to do.

I'm still struggling to figure everything out, but I hope that in time I will have my answer.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Day of Love

Will you be my valentine?

I have been asked this once in my life. That was yesterday. My roommate and I were in the parking lot of Wal-Mart and a woman walked by with two redish color baloons in her hands. Both me and my roommate responded with, "Ugh, Valentines day." My roommate turned to me and asked, "Will you be my valentine?" I instantly said, yes laughing. We are both desperate. Right? Later my roommate put as her status, 'Michael said he'd be my that desperation?'

Valentines Day has never been my favorite holiday. Technically it isn't a holiday, it is just an excuse for couples to make out and women to get chocolate. To me that is basically the reason why Valentines Day even exists. Some of you might disagree with me, but If you are disagreeing with me, are you in a relationship? Are you married? Yeah, I thought so. Some people call it Single Awareness day. That is even worst than calling it Valentines day, because it makes us single people realize that we are alone with no boy or girl there for us to give us chocolates, except maybe our mothers.

I find it funny when a guy is going out with a girl and they have been going out for a while and the girl is so excited for the upcoming valentines day that she plans something. Well, I think its funny when the guy breaks up with the girl before valentines day. Why do I think this is funny? I think so because everyone gets so worked up for valentines day that it has to be perfect. Valentines is just like ANY other day. Am I not right? So why fuss over it?

Valentines Day may be the day of love, but it also makes people realizes how lonely they are! I have one Valentine, my roommate! I love her a lot so i'm not ashamed to be her Valentine! Yes, we're desperate since we're both single, BUT its true that we love each other. haha

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Saturday Night Movie

I would rather live in the movies.

I've decided to take a break from the usual order of things and my negativity and dive into the world of movies. You see, I love movies. They are something that I can get lost into and all my fears and worries vanish away for that small fraction of the day. No matter what movie it is, I feel astranged from the world while watching one.

Now that I have given my introduction on movies i'll begin with one of my favorite movies. 'A Walk To Remember.' This movie was made with brilliance and elgegance. It was pure genious. The actors, producers, the writers and the director did an amazing job on the adaption of Nicholas Sparks novel. I had never read the book or even heard of the book before the movie. I went into this movie with no expectations on what it was supposed to be. I walked out of the movie with awe and with teary eyes. (I admit, I cry in movies.) I was so grateful for a movie so well made and good that I couldn't wait to read the book.

Mandy Moore did a fabulous job. Her amazing talent and her voice put a good light on the movie and she made Nicholas Sparks character real, real to the bone. Her light elegance and her sweet acting was pure and real. I applaud her.

Shane West was just as good. As Landon, he was a bad boy who fell in love with an angel, a woman of God. He played the bad boy with such a good fierceness that it felt believable. When falling in love with the girl he never thought he would fall in love with, he did that as if he really was in love. It was real. Shane West was the right man for the part. I fell in love with him. He's cute and adorable. He let Nicholas Sparks imaginative book into a reality and that is a high honor.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


All the crazy days and
All the crazy nights
You Look up towards the sky
And see that you're alright.

With All the crazy boys and
All the crazy mess-ups
You look deep down inside
And See that you're alright.

You may not see it now
But as long as you're MJ2
You'll never fight alone
The bond you share together
The marker upon your feet
Is that sound of Destiny

As long as you're together
You'll never have to guess
That why you are friends
Is not a coincidence

In this messed up world
you'll need someone there
Your thoughts, your dreams
ought to be shared.

Although it may seem
that life is pointless
reach out, reach beyond
what is to become
Your friendship lasting a lifetime

You may not see it now
but as long as you're MJ2
You'll never fight alone
'Just Saying' is a part of you
The bond that you'll never break
is that sound of Destiny

Take in whats to be
your infinite destiny
though black and white
it may seem
the life you lead is
All you need.

This is a poem that I wrote for three of my friends. It means a lot to me, I hope you guys enjoy it.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Road to my Dream

"You're only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you." The sound of my roommates voice assured me, just a little.

After months of being depressed and not doing anything with my life, I was on the verge of giving up. Nothing was working out; no job, nothing to do and drama. These things, plus much more, kept me from thinking positively. I thought that I couldn't succeed in what I wanted in life and I thought that I was the only person around.

I didn't realize that I was being conceited until someone approached me about it. That Friday afternoon I was in a mood. A mood of disappointment and hurt. I never thought that I would be noted as conceited. I was determined from that moment on, not to act that way.

The hour after those words, my roommates and I had a 'Roommates Inventory'. It is moments like this that I try to avoid. I don't do well with confrontations and this is exactly what it was. I was scared sitting there on the couch facing my two roommates. What was I supposed to do? Apologize for being so selfish?

As we started our long night together, tears began pour from my eyes. Our inventory consisted of what I wanted to do with my life, not to be too depressed and that they wanted me to be happy.

"You're only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you."

So the Road to my Dream begins. It starts with a simple word. Try.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Hopes for the Future

This blog is for me to express myself, my hopes and my dreams. My thoughts and my motives I can and might share.

First here is a list of SOME of the things I would like do in my lifetime.

1. Go Horseback Riding
2. See 'Wicked' on Broadway
3. Have my own Record Label
4. Get married
5. Move to LA and go to Musicians Institute of contemporary music
6. Go to Ireland
7. Ride in a hot air balloon
8. Meet Kate Voegele
9. Write a book
10.Be in a movie
11.Write my own song
12.Record a CD
13.Go to Thailand
14.Road trip across the USA
15.Meet Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth
16.Dye my hair green
17.Try Wine
18.Meet Ellen Degeneres
19.Own a dog
20.Die in peace

These are only some of the things I would like to do. There are some fun ones and some silly ones. If you see something I shouldn't do, tell me. BUT I would like to do all of them!