CTR

Choose The Right

This morning when I woke up the first thing I did was I looked at my phone. I went to my music and sat there listening to one of my favorite songs by Kate Voegele. I laid there thinking about how my life was turning out and then I looked at the ring on my ring finger on my right hand. There in plain and clear writing were the three letters, CTR. I looked at it for awhile just thinking about what it meant to me.

My friend came home from his mission yesterday and I was so excited. He had been serving the Lord for 2 years and that was something that everyone knows that I had been struggling with. But after a lot of thinking, I have decided that a mission is something that I want to do and It has become a desire. Although there is a desire now to go, there are things I have to work on before I can go through with the papers and such.

I started hair school in March and it is something that I love to do. I now observe everyone's hair and I go through my mind what I could do with others hair. Its something that I have grown to love. I do, however, wish I had figured out that the mission was a desire before I started school. It is, how it happened and I will continue with school then once I graduate I will start my papers, or when i'm ready I'll go.

What does the acronym CTR mean to me? CTR means to me what I stand for, not just Choose The Right. Although, it does help me choose the right it helps me understand who I am in this life and why I'm here and where I'm going. And right now it tells me that I'm going to prepare to go on a mission because it is the right thing to do. The Lord wants me to go, and I know that now.

I'm BACK!

Just me.

Its been awhile since i've written last. Not much has happened, but me putting my blog on private, not its back to public because hardly anyone was giving me email addresses so that they could read it. I want people to be inspired and motivated by what I write. If no one reads it, what is the point of writing it, if all I want is to be able to urge and inspire. I've truly been inspired to write this blog among other things which I will continue to blog about. Thanks.

Its taking off!

...and there it goes.

Almost a year ago, I graduated from High School.

Almost a year ago, I had a group of friends.

Almost a year ago, I was happy.

Time really does go by fast and soon you will be asking yourself, what happened? What happened to the time and what have I been doing? For me, I have been going through the motions. I've been living life, not to the fullest. I have not done anything worth remembering. Nothing I have said or done has made any impact on anyone or anything. Now I am asking myself, what am I going to do?

The other day my mom told me that she was proud of me. Just hearing that she was proud of me, made me happy. A glimpse of that happiness I was missing came back for just a small moment. I started to realize at that moment that I was starting to feel that happiness more and more in the past week. I started hair school at Marinello School of Beauty in Provo, UT and although it has been exhausting, it has felt good. My mom said that she was proud of me because I said that I wanted to go to hair school and I took the initiative and made it happen. I looked at a couple of different schools in Utah County and I chose one and registered.

Just registering for school and starting has made a huge difference. I am actually doing something and not sitting at home all day wishing that something would happen and I wouldn't be bored. During the months that I was bored and had nothing to do, I was depressed. Not depressed enough for medication, but depressed enough that I couldn't handle it. During those depressed times I would hide it, like most people would. I didn't want people knowing that was depressed and that I wasn't happy. Things are finally starting to turn around, and fast that is. Once I started school I had something to do. Although I still cannot find a job I am teaching three young individuals piano. That is a joy all in its own right.

Its taking off....and there it goes.

Road to my Dream, Part 3

Just Do It.

Something has changed within me.Something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap. It's time to try Defying gravity. I think I'll try Defying gravity.
And you can't pull me down. So if you care to find me look to the western sky (LA). As someone told me lately - Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly and if I'm flying solo At least I'm flying free. To those who'd ground me take a message back from me - Tell them how I am defying gravity! I'm flying high Defying gravity! And soon I'll match them in renown And nobody in all of Oz(Utah),no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down!

Unlike Elphaba, I am not being accused of being evil. Like Elphaba, I have to defy gravity and reach for the stars and chase my dreams. To me that is what this song is about. To me, Elphaba has to Defy Gravity not only to get away from the guards, but to reach for her dreams. Now I have NEVER seen Wicked, but it is my all time favorite musical and I want to see it so bad. On Broadway, in New York. I have the Grimmerie and have flipped through it so many times that I do know what happens. This is all beside the point I'm afraid.

In a Glee Episode, Rachel and Kurt have a Diva-Off. Both of these talented young singers compete to sing Defying Gravity. I loved this episode so much. It helped me realize that I too can defy gravity no matter what happens to me. No matter what my sexual orientation is, I can defy gravity. I can do whatever I want. It doesn't matter what people think I should do, I need to defy gravity. So does everyone else.

Over the last few days I have given something very serious a lot of thought. Should I, or should I not, go on a mission? You might think that this is off the topic, but its not. It is a deciding factor on what is going to happen in my life starting now. Along the lines of Defying Gravity, I can't let other people get in the way of what I want. I'm an adult and I need to start making my own decisions. I can't let the fear of disappointing the people I love the most ground me and make me unhappy. This goes for everyone out there. We have to make our own decisions and we can't let the fear of disappointing others be the deciding factor of any choice. You've gotta do it for yourself.

The Road to my Dream starts now with mydecision.

Road to my Dream, Part 2

Just Do It.

We all have dreams. We all want something out of life and we all have something we want to accomplish during our lives. I have seen many people reach for the stars and accomplish many things that even they, at the time, didn't think was possible. I bet even the biggest celebrities when they were young like me didn't think they would get to where they are today. Everyone wants something, we all have our dreams that need to be fulfilled.

My biggest dream is to become a singer/songwriter. Ever since I was little that was what I wanted to be. I would blast Britney Spears in my friends basement while we made up dance moves. I would write lyrics early on in my life with a girl who I had known since she was born. Still today I continue to write lyrics that hopefully someday would be a song that I write. Although, there are many things holding me back from chasing after this dream of becoming this person I want to be. Also, I have always wanted to have my own record label and then record music that I love and help others fulfill their dream of becoming an recording artist.

When I really wanted to start pursuing this I decided to check out schools around the country that would help me start my journey of owning a record label. Utah State, however, did not have this type of major and I was pretty disappointed. I checked BYU's Music program and what I found was that they had Music Business. I was so excited. I decided that BYU was the school for me. Little did I know that as time passed things would get harder and my hopes for anything happening would falter.

When I moved home after being up in Logan for a semester at USU, I couldn't find a job. (Still can't.) One by one everything I had wanted to do became distant as life became harder and more drama krept into my life. I looked up to someone as he follows his dreams. I saw that as a resource, but it soon became a deciding factor that I couldn't do what I wanted. I don't know why I saw it that way, but I did.

I started to look again online for other schools, rather than BYU, to go to school for Music Business. I found a school in the heart of LA; Musicians Institute for Contemporary Music. I looked around on the site and I fell in love with it. Not only is it in LA it also has some amazing programs. I was excited, but again felt flustered about when I could go and if I should. At the time I was planning on serving a two year mission, but as things came along and as I started to read other blogs about gay mormon men, it became apparent to me that maybe I couldn't go on one. A glimmer of hope came into my eyes. I wouldn't have to wait almost three or four years to start what I wanted to do.

I'm still struggling to figure everything out, but I hope that in time I will have my answer.

Poem

All the crazy days and
All the crazy nights
You Look up towards the sky
And see that you're alright.

With All the crazy boys and
All the crazy mess-ups
You look deep down inside
And See that you're alright.

You may not see it now
But as long as you're MJ2
You'll never fight alone
The bond you share together
The marker upon your feet
Is that sound of Destiny

As long as you're together
You'll never have to guess
That why you are friends
Is not a coincidence

In this messed up world
you'll need someone there
Your thoughts, your dreams
ought to be shared.

Although it may seem
that life is pointless
reach out, reach beyond
what is to become
Your friendship lasting a lifetime

You may not see it now
but as long as you're MJ2
You'll never fight alone
'Just Saying' is a part of you
The bond that you'll never break
is that sound of Destiny

Take in whats to be
your infinite destiny
though black and white
it may seem
the life you lead is
All you need.


This is a poem that I wrote for three of my friends. It means a lot to me, I hope you guys enjoy it.

Road to my Dream

"You're only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you." The sound of my roommates voice assured me, just a little.

After months of being depressed and not doing anything with my life, I was on the verge of giving up. Nothing was working out; no job, nothing to do and drama. These things, plus much more, kept me from thinking positively. I thought that I couldn't succeed in what I wanted in life and I thought that I was the only person around.

I didn't realize that I was being conceited until someone approached me about it. That Friday afternoon I was in a mood. A mood of disappointment and hurt. I never thought that I would be noted as conceited. I was determined from that moment on, not to act that way.

The hour after those words, my roommates and I had a 'Roommates Inventory'. It is moments like this that I try to avoid. I don't do well with confrontations and this is exactly what it was. I was scared sitting there on the couch facing my two roommates. What was I supposed to do? Apologize for being so selfish?

As we started our long night together, tears began pour from my eyes. Our inventory consisted of what I wanted to do with my life, not to be too depressed and that they wanted me to be happy.

"You're only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you."

So the Road to my Dream begins. It starts with a simple word. Try.

Hopes for the Future

This blog is for me to express myself, my hopes and my dreams. My thoughts and my motives I can and might share.

First here is a list of SOME of the things I would like do in my lifetime.

1. Go Horseback Riding
2. See 'Wicked' on Broadway
3. Have my own Record Label
4. Get married
5. Move to LA and go to Musicians Institute of contemporary music
6. Go to Ireland
7. Ride in a hot air balloon
8. Meet Kate Voegele
9. Write a book
10.Be in a movie
11.Write my own song
12.Record a CD
13.Go to Thailand
14.Road trip across the USA
15.Meet Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth
16.Dye my hair green
17.Try Wine
18.Meet Ellen Degeneres
19.Own a dog
20.Die in peace


These are only some of the things I would like to do. There are some fun ones and some silly ones. If you see something I shouldn't do, tell me. BUT I would like to do all of them!