Mission - Should I Go?

Helaman 5:12

A week before General Conference my parents home teacher (who had been mine before I moved out) came over to the house while I was there for dinner. After the lesson and a few minutes of talking my home teacher turns to me and says, 'If you read the Book of Mormon and finish it, in a year from now when you go on your mission I will put in some money for your missionary fund.' I felt so good about this. This was one of the deciding factors for me to actually think about going on a mission and not put all possibilities out of the door and say goodbye to them.

I am having such a hard time deciding if I should go on a mission or not. I have a lot of people wanting me to go on a one, but then I have this feeling that I want both the LDS life and the life that the church doesn't agree with? I keep slipping into the wrong path and I just can't figure out how to do it all.

Every night I tell myself to pray. Do I actually get up and do it? No

Every time I think I should read the scriptures do I do it? No.

Whats wrong with me and what should I do differently? I know of many things I should do and I should just do it and stop sitting around telling myself I need to do it and just do it. Please help me!! haha

Priesthood Session

Patience

This past week I saw one of the best plays from a local acting group that I have ever seen come from them. They did the high school version of Les Miserables. One of my best friends was in it and her little sister. It was fabulous. I wanted to go again so bad. I had an offer from my friends mother that if friends of hers didn't make it, I could take one of the tickets. I was hoping that I would be able to see it again, even if it meant leaving the Priesthood session early, Saturday night.

When Saturday came, I was waiting for the call from my friends mom saying that I could have one of the tickets. The call never came, but I didn't care. I had an impression that I needed to stay at the Priesthood session the whole time. Me, my two brothers and my dad went to the session together and while I fell asleep for pretty much the first half, after the congregational hymn, I was wide awake. As President Uchtdorf began his talk on Patience, I knew right then that Patience is what I was missing from my everyday life.

The biggest thing about patience that I got from Presidents Uchtdorf's talk was that I have got to let my Heavenly Father do things in His own time. Not mine. I have been impatient wanting to know now what I should do. I don't have enough patience to let Him work in His way and His own time. I want answers now, but I don't have the patience for those answers so I don't wait for them, I just continue my life and get farther and farther into a deep pit that I don't want to be in.

I need to have patience for those answers and for the grace of my Heavenly Father. He will help me, but I have got to let Him help me in His time and in His way. I have been suckered into societies way, telling myself that I have got to let ME happy first and not let anyone tell me what I should do or what I have to do. With Patience, prayer, diligent scripture study, doing my home teaching (which I have to figure out who my families are and who my companion is), diligent Priesthood work and service, may the Lord work His miracles. I am willing to let Him and have Him guide my life.