The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Mission - Should I Go?

Helaman 5:12

A week before General Conference my parents home teacher (who had been mine before I moved out) came over to the house while I was there for dinner. After the lesson and a few minutes of talking my home teacher turns to me and says, 'If you read the Book of Mormon and finish it, in a year from now when you go on your mission I will put in some money for your missionary fund.' I felt so good about this. This was one of the deciding factors for me to actually think about going on a mission and not put all possibilities out of the door and say goodbye to them.

I am having such a hard time deciding if I should go on a mission or not. I have a lot of people wanting me to go on a one, but then I have this feeling that I want both the LDS life and the life that the church doesn't agree with? I keep slipping into the wrong path and I just can't figure out how to do it all.

Every night I tell myself to pray. Do I actually get up and do it? No

Every time I think I should read the scriptures do I do it? No.

Whats wrong with me and what should I do differently? I know of many things I should do and I should just do it and stop sitting around telling myself I need to do it and just do it. Please help me!! haha


  1. I do not envy your position. When I went on my mission I was very in the closet even to myself. If I had acknowledged being gay prior to going on the mission it would have made the mission a lot harder. (Oh yeah...People that say that their mission was the best two years of their lives are not telling the whole the truth. . . The mission was definitely a mix of the good and the bad. I have never felt such joy, but I have also never been so stressed out or felt so much guilt and weight and pressure in my entire life.) Despite the drama of the mission I would not go back and change that decision. I grew a lot as a result of my mission.

    I will say though - DON'T GO unless you really and truly believe the gospel. Don't go out thinking that you are going to gain your testimony on your mission. I saw time and time again where it just did not happen and missionaries were miserable and just counting down the days until they could go home.

  2. Reina, I've read a lot of your posts on your blog and i've been thinking since i've read them a lot about my choice to go on a mission. I do believe in the church with all my heart and my soul. Its not something I can deny, but I cannot deny that I am gay either.

    I'm having many thoughts run through my mind at once about everything. The mission has to be set back until next year since I am in Hair school at the moment, but there are times after I have made a decision when I get these feelings that 'maybe I want that (meaning the gay lifestyle)' 'Maybe I want a boyfriend' ' That boy is cute, crap, i'm trying to be better and not act on these feelings.'

    My patriarchal blessing is such a HUGE blessing in my life and It has told me many things that I actually want to accomplish, mainly a mission and getting married.. All this is my dilemma..

  3. A mission is a serious commitment. The church requires prospective missionaries to have been free of homosexual conduct for at least one year. You also need to have a strong testimony of the gospel - a testimony which should be evident by regular study habits, church attendance, fulfilling your priesthood obligations, faithfully paying your tithes and offerings, etc. etc.

    I'm not saying you should automatically rule out serving a mission, but I am saying you shouldn't go unless you are 100% committed to serving the entire 2 years, regardless of what may happen during your mission. What happens if you fall in love with one of your companions? What if one of your companions is extremely homophobic and you don't get along well? What if a district leader, bishop, or mission president isn't supportive, or even openly hostile? What if you have to teach families who are struggling with homosexuality themselves? If you are prepared to deal with all of those situations and still remain 100% committed to your obligation to serve and to the mission rules, than it could be a rewarding experience. Sorry for the soap box, I just think it's important that you have realistic expectations, especially since coming home from a mission can be an extremely devastating experience.

  4. I don't think it is necessarily and either or thing. I have had a lots of friends who have gone on missions that were gay. As I said, I would STILL have chosen to go. Just know that it is going to be extremely difficult.